Turns Out “Live” Resin Doesn’t Mean You’ll Stay That Way
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — The smell out here is a mix of fear, expired distillate, and vape regret. I’m standing outside Ascend Cannabis on 28th Street, one of the many Michigan dispensaries caught in the crossfire of the Bloom MCT oil recall, and the line of customers hoping for store credit and moral absolution is longer than the recall notice itself.
According to the Michigan Cannabis Regulatory Agency, Exhale Brands Inc. voluntarily recalled Bloom Classic and Bloom Live cartridges after it came to light they were filled with MCT oil—a substance you’re supposed to put in smoothies, not your fucking lungs.
The recall spans batches from late 2024 into 2025, and includes crowd favorites like King Louie OG and Alien Jack, aka “flavored air freshener with a felony body count.”
“I got this rash on my chest and I swear it spelled 'Bloom'."
— Vanessa, 29, medical patient, holding a half-used cart and a garlic aioli sandwich
Inside Ascend, the mood is tense and citrusy. There’s a clipboard check-in system, a laminated FAQ sheet, and a bin labeled “MCT SHAME BOX – NO REFUNDS.” A security guard with a vape chain is reading the recall bulletin aloud to the group like it’s scripture.
“I just wanna return this and get something safer,” says one man clutching four Bloom Classic – Maui Wowie carts and a literal inhaler. “Like some street rosin. Something reliable.”
A woman with vape lung PTSD pulls out an x-ray photo and says she’s suing Exhale Brands because she “hasn’t been able to taste eggs” since February. I ask if her doctor confirmed the cause. “No, but my chiropractor is worried.”
I Hit the Vape So You Don’t Have To
For journalistic accuracy, I located a recalled Bloom Live – Durban Gelato cart from a friend’s “oh fuck I forgot I had that” drawer.
Inhale: Smooth at first, then sharply reminiscent of drywall dust and melted Vicks
Exhale: Sudden tickle in the chest, inexplicable tooth sensitivity, and a vague sensation that my lungs are being colonized
Effects: Immediate anxiety spike followed by a desperate desire to deep clean my airways with kombucha and a priest
Honestly, this cartridge hits like it’s mad at you. My throat feels like I tongued a Febreze can.
GOVERNMENT STATEMENT (Translated from Bureaucrat to English)
“The inclusion of MCT oil in inhalable cannabis products renders them non-compliant with established regulations.”
Which means:You bought a vape filled with something banned in 2019 and nobody caught it until your bronchioles filed for divorce.
“Non-Compliance” in the Cannabis Industry Is Code for “No One Was Paying Attention”
Let’s break this down:
MCT oil has been banned for inhalable use in Michigan since 2019
These carts were sold statewide for months before anyone tested them
Exhale Systems quietly pulled them only after regulators stepped in
Multiple dispensaries (Ascend included) had to put up disclaimers, collect returns, and hand out apology bags with pre-rolls and coupons for 10% off your next respiratory crisis
This isn’t just a quality control failure. It’s a systems-level Boof.
Customer Medical Claims Reported On-Site (None Verified):
Coughing up what looked like raw distillate
One dilated pupil
Night sweats shaped like the Bloom logo
Lost sense of smell (may pre-date cannabis)
“Weird dreams about Snoop Dogg selling humidifiers”
Generalized respiratory betrayal
IBS
Divorce
BLOOM’S REPUTATION: IN FREEFALL
Bloom was already the “premium” cart for people who think “premium” means putting a gold label on hotdog water. This recall cements their legacy as the brand most likely to gaslight you into a nebulizer.
The company hasn’t made a public statement beyond confirming the voluntary recall and hoping no one starts checking their other SKUs too closely.
Meanwhile, at Ascend, the guy behind the counter just handed me a gift bag and said, “Here’s some terp pearls, we’re really sorry.”I didn’t ask for them. But I’m keeping them.
Final Words From the Field
Michigan’s vape scene is a Wild West of compliance theater and bargain-bin terpenes. The Bloom recall isn’t an outlier—it’s the natural result of an industry where brands treat testing labs like a suggestion box and regulators arrive long after your lungs wave the white flag.
I came here for answers.I left with a sore throat, a 15% off coupon, and a vague sense I should call a pulmonologist.
This has been Boof du Jour, live from Ascend Cannabis – Grand Rapids, where the only thing cloudier than the carts is the chain of accountability.
We’ll see you next time—assuming I’m still breathing.