Live from the most embarrassing Memorial Day cannabis event in the country
ST. CHARLES, MO — It’s Memorial Day, and I’m standing in a dispensary parking lot next to a bouncy castle that smells like vape juice and hot dogs, watching a man in an American flag tank top duct-tape a “THANK YOU VETERANS” banner to a Porta-Potty.
Welcome to Weed for Warriors: Smokeout & Softball Classic 2025, an annual event “celebrating our veterans” by hosting a softball game no one showed up for, handing out discount prerolls with names like Semper Fi Strawberry, and giving a novelty check to the only veteran they could find—a guy sleeping under a folding table in the sun who said he was just there for the free pizza.
Scene Report: This Is What It Looks Like When Weed Tries to Fake Patriotism
The original plan, according to the glossy flyer (Comic Sans, camo background, misspelled “veterean” twice), was:
A “Veterans-Only” softball match sponsored by Terrabis
A donation ceremony with local cannabis brands raising funds “for the troops”
A vendor fair featuring “infused brisket” and “CBD ammo tins” (???)
Instead:
Both softball teams forfeited. One had zero veterans. The other had three—but one couldn’t find the field, and another got arrested on the way for an outstanding warrant.
The donation was $42.17 in crumpled bills and a half-punched loyalty card.
The only vendor that showed up was a vape brand selling “Delta-9 freedom pens” shaped like rifles.
I asked the event organizer, a woman in rhinestone cowboy boots and a "Cannamoms 4 America" hoodie, where the donation was going.
“We’re giving it to a real veteran. Right there—under the table. He’s napping now. But once he wakes up, it’s all his.”She said this proudly. I think she thought this was going well.
Quote from the Parking Lot Vet:
“I fought in Iraq. I came home to this shit? Y’all gave me $40 and a koozie that says ‘High & Honorable’. I’m going back to sleep.”
The Game That Wasn’t
The softball field was technically reserved, but the league forgot to mark it off. So a group of 14-year-olds was already playing when the “veterans team” (two budtenders and a guy who was once in ROTC) showed up.A confrontation ensued. The kids won.The game was called.
A rep from Freedom Farms Co. offered to “sponsor next year’s game with real uniforms, real vets, and real infused Gatorade.” He then pitched me on a strain called Bunker OG that allegedly “makes you hallucinate patriotism.”
I took a hit. It tasted like drywall and regret.
Retail Patriotism in Full Swing
Inside the dispensary, a Memorial Day sale was happening. Deals included:
Green Beret Gushers – 15% off with proof of service or NRA card
Honor Runtz – buy one eighth, get a ribbon
Infused joints named after failed military operations: Operation Kush Storm, Afghan O.G., and Desert Dank
An elderly man in a Vietnam Vet hat asked what “live rosin” meant and was handed a 710 Labs vape pen and thanked for his service.
“This tastes like chemicals,” he said. “And I’m pretty sure the soldier on this bag is doing a Nazi salute.”
He left. No one stopped him.
Back Outside: Hot Dogs, Heatstroke, and Hollow Gestures
The DJ was four hours late. The grill ran out of propane. A stoned teen tried to light a blunt off the eternal flame lighter sculpture in front of the store and nearly set his flag shorts on fire.
By 3pm, the only people left were:
Two vendors trying to sell tinctures labeled “combat-ready”
A guy from the VFW angrily holding a paper plate
The veteran under the table, still asleep, holding a check for $42.17 and a lighter that said “Support Our Troops, Spark One Up”
Final Thoughts from the Battlefield (parking lot)
This isn’t support. This is cosplay.This is the cannabis industry using Memorial Day to sell lemon-flavored mids and pretend they care by putting “FOR VETS” on a sticker.
If veterans actually benefitted from weed money, there’d be funded housing, job placement programs, and PTSD clinics that didn’t look like abandoned vape lounges.
Instead, we get camo labels, softball games that don’t happen, and one guy in a sleeveless hoodie talking about “healing trauma through terpenes.”
And the only vet who got anything today?
He never even woke up.