The DEA said weed might be worse than meth. So we gave out both and kept score. For science.
By your Boof du Jour field correspondent, clinging to sanity in a converted paintball warehouse.
The DEA recently stated—without a hint of irony or a single functioning brain cell—that “there is evidence suggesting marijuana use is associated with an increased risk of psychosis, and possibly more so than other drugs, including amphetamines.”
Yeah. According to the feds, weed might be more psychotic than meth.
So Boof du Jour did what any unqualified, unsanctioned, journalism-adjacent outlet would do. We ran the trial ourselves.
Thirty days. Two drugs. No regulatory oversight. No permits. No prior users. No fucking clue.Just a warehouse behind an abandoned Spirit Halloween, a clipboard from a failed MedMen location, and a dream:
Tin Foil vs. Terpenes.The first-ever Boof du Jour Psychosis Invitational.
GROUP A: THE STONERS
Codename: The Green Team
Participants: Eight self-identified cannabis lightweights—think one-gummy-and-I’m-done types. The kind of people who whisper “I’m feeling it” after hitting a CBD pen.
Week 1: They’re cautious. One guy microdoses live resin like it’s ayahuasca.
Week 2: They’ve made a gravity bong from a mop bucket and a fire extinguisher.
Week 3: Someone built a zine called “Time Isn’t Real” out of Dutchie receipts.
Week 4: Nobody remembers when the trial started, but everyone agrees it’s been “like... a long Tuesday.”
Psychosis markers:
Named their snacks.
Held a vote on whether music is alive (result: tied).
Insisted the plant was “talking back,” but only with consent.
Favorite Quote:
“I’m not high, I’m expanding.” — Zane, from Reno
GROUP B: THE METHHEADS
Codename: Team Glass Cannon Participants: All new to meth. All terrifyingly enthusiastic. Recruited via Craigslist, a Greyhound station, and two expired Applebee’s gift cards.
Day 1: One guy is already shirtless and asking if the cameras “work both ways.”
Day 3: They stole all the lightbulbs and replaced them with candles.
Day 10: Someone turned a shopping cart into a “survival sled” and tried to ride it down a flight of stairs.
Day 18: A subject used tin foil and broken earbuds to “craft a signal disruptor” and taped it to his forehead with duct tape.
Day 30: They tried to sell the refrigerator on Facebook Marketplace from inside the building.
Psychosis markers:
Heard voices. Argued with them. Lost.
Believed clouds were government listening devices.
Tried to elect a new president of the kitchen. Winner: a shoe full of Skittles and blood.
Favorite Quote:
“Do you have any change I can have?” — subject “Wyatt Methp” (he never stopped asking)
THE FINAL TRIAL: SHARED SPACE EXPERIMENT
On Day 30, both groups were crammed into a single break room with a hot plate, one bathroom, and no supervision. The walls were sweating before the people were.
Green Team tried to meditate.
Team Glass Cannon tried to convert the microwave into a shortwave radio.
One meth participant accused the fridge of “taking sides” and unplugged it mid-argument.
A weed participant spent twenty minutes whispering apologies to a broom.Tensions peaked when Zane attempted to explain cryptocurrency to Wyatt Methp, who responded by trying to smoke a penny and screaming “DEEP STATE COIN!”
No one slept. No one blinked.The air smelled like glue and hummus.
DEBRIEFING & “DATA”
Final conclusions were drawn via vibe-based analytics and frantic note-taking between bong rips:
Team | Psychosis Level | Property Damage | Existential Breakdowns | Number of Times They Said “Bro” |
Green Team | 2/10 | Mild (one toaster) | Yes, but chill | 487 |
Team Glass Cannon | 11/10 | Severe (full sink) | Also yes, but violent | 0 (they yelled instead) |
No peer review. No institutional backing. Just Boof data, straight from the source.
THE DEA’S CLAIM, REVISITED
“There is some evidence suggesting marijuana use is associated with an increased risk of psychosis, and possibly more so than other drugs, including amphetamines.” — actual DEA spokesperson, May 2025
Which begs the question:What the fuck is in the DEA’s coffee?
Because if what we saw is any indication, weed makes you weird. Meth makes you war-ready.
CLOSING STATEMENT FROM THE BOOF RESEARCH DIVISION:
This wasn’t peer-reviewed. It wasn’t ethical. It wasn’t even legal.But it was transparent. It was honest. And it was absolutely clear:
Weed didn’t cause psychosis. This test did.
Boof du Jour will not be repeating this trial. Ever. Our insurance won’t cover it. Neither will our souls.
But if the DEA wants to keep making wild-ass claims, we’ll be here.Running unlicensed experiments. Asking real questions.And reminding the world that the most dangerous substance in the drug war is still bad fucking policy.
Coming up next from Boof du Jour: “Can You Out-Smoke a Police Dog?” (Spoiler: No, and we owe someone an apology.)