ATCC raids weed shops for not having licenses. Weed shops shocked to learn they needed one.
BALTIMORE, MD — In a bold show of state-funded theater, Maryland’s Alcohol, Tobacco, and Cannabis Commission (ATCC) executed search and seizure raids on multiple businesses in Southeast Baltimore this week, including a vape shop that called itself a dispensary and a dispensary that called itself a church.
Officials say the businesses were “operating as marijuana dispensaries without a license,” a claim that was immediately confirmed by a quick glance at their signage, Instagram bios, and the fact that they were literally selling weed out of a glass case next to Delta-8 gummies and knockoff Elf Bars.
One of the raided businesses, 8th Kingdom Marijuana Weed Dispensary (yes, that’s the actual name), was reportedly “shocked” by the raid, having previously operated under the legal defense of “we put ‘kingdom’ in the name, so it’s religious now.”
According to ATCC Executive Director Jeffrey Kelly, the crackdown was “part of an ongoing effort to preserve the integrity of Maryland’s regulated cannabis market,” which, to date, includes:
A licensing process that makes getting into Yale look easy.
A social equity program so effective, no one can explain how it works.
A state-sanctioned monopoly where a handful of operators overcharge for mids and call it innovation.
REGULATORY BACKGROUND:
In July 2023, Maryland legalized adult-use cannabis. Since then, any business wishing to sell actual THC must obtain a license from the Maryland Cannabis Administration, navigate a maze of red tape, pretend to care about social equity, and pay enough in legal fees to fund a small war.
In contrast, the raided shops took a different route:
Buy THCa from wholesale bros in a Facebook group.
Label it as “not for human consumption.”
Sell eighths out of a fake dispensary with an LED sign and a fax machine.
“We didn’t know you needed a license,” one store owner allegedly told investigators. “We just Googled ‘how to open a weed shop’ and the first video said to keep your receipts.”
THE BOOF DU JOUR RECOGNITION COMMITTEE IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE:
🏆 The 2025 Boldness in Bullshit Award™ goes to:
All unlicensed Maryland “dispensaries” who thought printing a menu with a weed leaf background gave them legal protection.
Honorable mentions:
The shop that advertised “real weed, no card needed” on Craigslist.
The business that tried to register as a hookah bar, but with “weed vibes.”
The one that asked state agents if they were “just here for the carts.”
TOP 5 SIGNS YOUR DISPENSARY MIGHT BE COMPLETELY ILLEGAL
Your license is printed on printer paper and taped to a lava lamp.
You tell customers it’s “hemp with benefits.”
Your weed menu has QR codes that lead to a Telegram group.
Every product is labeled “for novelty use only” but it’s actual flower.
Your security system is a guy named Dre who watches the front and also sells belts.
If your store hits 3 or more of these, congratulations:You’re probably not licensed, and the ATCC is already parked outside in an unmarked Dodge Caravan with binoculars and a clipboard.
QUOTE FROM THE MARYLAND CANNABIS SOCIAL EQUITY TASK FORCE (PROBABLY):
“We remain committed to creating opportunities for justice-involved entrepreneurs through meaningful access to the regulated market.”— Some guy in a Patagonia vest who once said ‘urban’ instead of Black and got promoted anyway
Translation: If you can’t afford $50,000 in application fees and three lobbyists, go back to selling lighters.
THE REAL COST OF GETTING A LEGAL DISPENSARY LICENSE IN MARYLAND:
Application fee: $5,000
Legal fees: $12,000
Consultant who used to work at Trulieve: $8,000
Fake diversity coach: $3,500
Lobbyist who calls you “brother” but never delivers: $11,000
Time lost reading contradictory regulations: 90+ hours
Soul: Forfeit
Outcome: Rejected in round two for not properly defining "impact zone" despite listing a Baltimore zip code
MEANWHILE, IN A LICENSED DISPENSARY ACROSS TOWN:
A vertically integrated operator celebrated the raids by raising their prices again, adding another 14-step ID verification process to their kiosk, and giving themselves a “Compliance Champion” badge on LinkedIn.
They were unavailable for comment, as their VP of Regulatory Strategy was currently serving on three different state advisory boards and writing a Medium post called “Equity Begins with Me.”
FINAL THOUGHTS FROM OUR INVESTIGATIVE DESK:
Everyone in this story is an idiot.The fake dispensaries thought no one would notice.The state thought kicking in a few glass doors would prove they’re not asleep at the wheel.
And the licensed operators are still price-gouging patients while pretending to be victims of a black market they helped create.
You can’t regulate a clown show when everyone’s wearing makeup.