Cannabis Commerce as Designed by a Toll Booth
In an inspiring pivot toward financial self-immolation, LeafLink has unveiled a bold new pricing structure designed to completely alienate the backbone of the cannabis economy—its customers. While claiming to “scale with your growth,” the new fees are actually just a mathematically elegant way of saying: “You’ll pay us more the harder you hustle.”
Here’s how it shakes out:
Process $250K in orders? That’ll be $1,955/month, or roughly what you used to spend on packaging before regulations made it illegal to use a Ziploc bag and a sticker.
Push $500K? That’s $4,080/month. For that price, you could rent an apartment in LA, or almost pay two trimmers in cash.
Clear $1M in sales? Congratulations. You’ve just unlocked $7,330/month in privilege fees. It’s like a success tax, but with less dignity.
According to LeafLink’s investor-slash-PR chimera, this is part of a “more equitable and sustainable model for the future.” We assume they mean equitable in the same way a medieval tithe was “equitable”—in that everyone pays, and the lords get horses.
EXECUTIVE STATEMENT FROM LEAFLINK CEO, PULLED FROM WHAT WE ASSUME WAS A MICRODOSED EARNINGS CALL:
“By implementing a progressive pricing system, we’re finally able to align our value capture with the evolving needs of our multi-tiered partners. Our platform enables frictionless B2B commerce—why shouldn’t that frictionlessness come with compound interest?”
Translation: “We didn’t IPO, so now we’re dry-humping margins until the wheels come off.”
Boof Index™ Takeaways:
Scam-to-Scale Ratio: 8.7 out of 10 (Where 10 = “WeWork with terp talk” and 1 = “Just regular robbery”)
User Retention Prediction: “Mass Exodus,” followed by “Rapid Re-Onboarding When No One Has a Choice”
C-Suite Vibe Check: Red Bull, LinkedIn posts about “grit,” and $1300 hoodies with logos no one understands
Boof du Jour Analyst Perspective:
Let’s be clear—LeafLink doesn’t sell weed. It sells access to weed buyers. It’s a digital middleman that operates like the mob, but without the sense of community.
This new fee structure is less about operational scaling and more about weaponizing growth. You grow? They tax. You suffer? They still tax. It's a reverse Robin Hood model where they rob the barely-profitable and give to… themselves.
LeafLink’s pricing shift is a masterclass in non-consensual monetization. Somewhere in a WeWork in Hudson Yards, a VC just high-fived a Tableau dashboard.
Closing Note:
If you’re a brand processing $500K/month and already eating shit on retail pricing, these new LeafLink fees aren’t just unsustainable—they’re existential. But don’t worry, they’ll probably roll out a “loyalty badge” or “pro seller tier” to make you feel like you won something while they drain you dry.
Welcome to cannabis tech in 2025. It’s like 2008 fintech, but the bubble smells like unsold pre-rolls and failed hopes.
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