SPOILED FLOWER & CORPORATE FUNGUS: CURALEAF’S LATEST MEDICAL WEED RECALL SMELLS EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD
- Kyle Kurtz
- May 14
- 3 min read
Updated: May 21
By Boof du Jour Investigative Team
Filed from Connecticut, where even the medical weed now comes with an expiration date and a wellness waiver
It happened again.
Curaleaf, the multistate cannabis giant best known for its clean branding and moldy track record, has voluntarily recalled its Curaleaf Whole Flower 3.5g Auburn product in Connecticut after a 60-day stability test revealed—wait for it—levels of mold and yeast that exceeded acceptable safety limits. Not that they noticed the first time around. Or the second.
This comes after the flower already passed the state’s required lab testing and a 30-day stability test. Apparently, the mold just needed a little more time to settle in and start a colony.
“Trust the Process,” They Said. The Process Grew Mold.
The affected flower, sold under batch number 2412267F4-AT, was distributed to Curaleaf dispensaries across Stamford, Manchester, Groton, and Hartford—also known as the four horsemen of the post-consumer lung apocalypse.
We reached out to Curaleaf for a quote and received the following statement, which we assume was copy-pasted from a half-hearted Slack thread titled “PR_DamageControl_Again_FINAL2.docx”: “All products leaving our cultivation facilities comply with Connecticut state standards for contaminants.”
Translation:“We passed the test that’s easy to pass and ignored the one that takes actual time. Now please shut up and keep buying our house brands.”
A Brief Timeline of Curaleaf’s Quality Control Strategy:
Day 1: Grow weed. Label it “medical.”
Day 10: Send samples to a lab. Pay extra for the rush job.
Day 30: Product passes—barely.
Day 31: Ship it to stores, smile for investors.
Day 60: Mold appears. Act shocked. Blame it on “storage inconsistencies” and “ambient humidity trauma.”
Day 61: Send out a “voluntary recall” email that nobody reads.
Day 62: Offer patients 10% off their next respiratory infection.
Connecticut’s Role in This? Raising Mold Limits. Literally.
In 2022, Connecticut—facing pressure from Big Weed and allegedly just super chill about fungus—quietly raised the legal mold limit in cannabis products from 10,000 to 100,000 colony-forming units per gram.
Let that sink in..
You’re allowed to legally sell cannabis in Connecticut with more live biological activity than a damn petri dish in a high school biology class. And Curaleaf still managed to overshoot it.
One anonymous employee at the DCP (Department of Consumer Protection) told Boof du Jour: “We figured if we raised the mold limits, they’d stop failing. We didn’t think they’d treat it like a minimum.”
Internal Memo Leaked: “Let’s Just Call It Probiotic Flower”
Boof du Jour obtained a not-at-all fabricated internal memo from a Curaleaf compliance team Slack channel, which reads in part: “Patients are already combusting dry herbs. If yeast is a problem, maybe we just rebrand it as ‘fermentation-forward.’” “Can we get the DTC team to pitch this as ‘gut health synergy’ flower?” “Add some terp copy about ‘earthy funk’ and call it a limited drop.”
Customer Reviews of the Recalled Batch (Real as Hell, Trust Us)
“Smoked like a basement in August.”
“Opened the jar and my asthma flared up just from the smell.”
“Got a yeast infection from a joint. Don’t ask.”
“Wasn’t even mad. It just made sense. Like, of course this happened.”
“Voluntary Recall” Means “We Already Sold It and You Already Smoked It”
The recall only came after a 60-day stability test flagged the flower as contaminated. That means for two full months, people were buying, grinding, rolling, and inhaling fungal funk with a side of corporate confidence.
Medical patients.Cancer patients.Chronic pain sufferers.
And Curaleaf gave them a moldy product with a strain name that sounds like a cheap sedan.
Consistency You Can Count On (Unfortunately)
This isn’t Curaleaf’s first recall. It’s not their second. It’s part of a pattern of fuckery that’s been called out in other states too. New York. New Jersey. Arizona. Oregon. The greatest hits list of Weed MSO Hell.
Every few months, a new headline pops up like a Whac-A-Mole made of rot:
“Curaleaf faces backlash after mislabeled drops.”
“Curaleaf pulls products after lab discrepancies.”
“Curaleaf apologizes for batch that failed to contain actual weed.”
This company prints apologies like they’re pre-roll stickers.
Final Thought: Mold Happens. This Many Times? That’s Management.
Bad batches are one thing. Mold blooms. Shit slips through.But when you’re consistently failing the basic “don’t sell fungus to cancer patients” bar, you don’t need a recall. You need a shutdown and a subpoena.
Until then, smoke at your own risk.And maybe bring a Petri dish to the dispensary next time.
This has been Boof du Jour. You’re welcome, Curaleaf. You can quote us on the box.
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